Hi, ladies and gents. I thought long and hard about writing this piece because I didn’t want to piss anyone off, but I can’t take it anymore. I’m sick of being treated like a second-rate holiday. No longer will I stand aside and let other holidays soak up all the glory.

I’m Halloween, and I deserve some damn respect around here.

I’m tired of Christmas invading my month. She already gets 2 months to celebrate, with her foliage decorations and the same ten carols on repeat in every store, so why does she need to stick her big nose into October, too? It’s bullshit. October is my territory. But you know what? She doesn’t even annoy me as much as some of these other holidays, like Columbus Day or George Washington’s birthday. What do they have that I don’t have? Why do I always get the shaft? And why are people always so critical of me?

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